The Arrangement

© Mark Willis 2017

Angus reflexively closed his eyes.

Attempting to open them, they resisted, trying to shield him from the sudden light. His mind was swirling, reeling, unable to focus. As if? He was drunk? or had hit his head? The ringing in his ears faded. The fog that filled his mind receded. As his eyes adjusted, he was able to take in his surroundings.

The room was formed of plain white walls. Angus turned slowly, unsteady, but determined to keep his legs beneath him. His laboured efforts revealed a small room that he had never seen before. Oddly, there were no doors and no windows. He shook his head in a desperate grasp for clarity but it dangled, just out of reach ‘What is happening?’

The room was utterly empty… the only notable feature was how impressively clean it was. Far and away the cleanest room he’d ever been in. ‘How was it so clean though? Shouldn’t there be blood?’ He puzzled, sure there had been a lot of it earlier.  His face tightened trying to focus on what just happened, that memory danced at the edge of thought.

Examining the room for clues was fruitless. The walls were a pure white to the point that they seemed to glow. The ‘corner’ of each wall curved seamlessly into the next just as they did with the floor and the ceiling. Between the odd shape, the diffuse light, and no other frame of reference he couldn’t shake the feeling that the size seemed to… shift.  Clearly, he was trapped, yet somehow that didn’t seem to bother him. He felt relaxed, if uncertain about what to do next.

 Taking a deep breath, he released it slowly, then, in a low-key voice uttered “Well. This sucks.”

“We keep things simple.” an unseen, but softly spoken voice began “We have found that everyone arrives with their own expectations, their own preconceptions… Rather than things getting off on the wrong foot, we keep it simple to allow you to acclimatise.”

Angus couldn’t place where the voice came from at first, it seemed to come from everywhere, and that should have startled him but surprisingly did not. As the voice finished he sensed the speaker was now behind him.

Turning slowly, revealed that the room had changed. An ethereal path now extended from under his feet into the distance. A man, medium height, balding, probably in his late 30’s stood opposite on the same path about 10 paces away. He had also turned and was facing Angus. A quick glance behind showed the path extended off behind both men. What he was seeing just couldn’t make sense.

On Angus’s left, standing off the path, was the one who had spoken. The figure was silent but standing tall and proud. They emanated a calming presence, and peaceful demeanour. Yeah, Angus was certain that this was the one who was in charge, their Host.

The man opposite on the path was also still, but his eyes showed the slightest hint of confusion, of fear? Angus knew they were both in the dark.

The speaker was… a man? Maybe… but their features were ambiguous – androgynous he supposed. Blonde hair at shoulder length, a soft, kind face that he felt he could trust instantly. That was antithetical to how Angus would normally feel with new people, or even his friends. It was a necessary truth that trust was hard earned in his world, so he was shocked at how readily he wanted to attend to the speaker.

Their Host wore a casual grey suit, white shirt, no tie. Strangely, he now realised that the man who stood directly opposite was wearing the exact same thing. A quick glance over his own attire and it was clear that they were all dressed neatly and identically. The man facing him did the same thing, seemingly coming to the same realisation, and yet, neither reacted in any way. As they locked eyes for the first time neither spoke or acknowledged the other.  It was at that moment that Angus could feel something was physically holding him back.

“Gentlemen, welcome.” Both men remained in place but turned their heads to listen, “If we could ask you to indulge us a moment we will explain what is happening. We promise you, there will be plenty of time for you both to talk and ask questions, but you need to remain attentive for now.”

Angus had thought he was just feeling docile, maybe still in shock from… whatever had happened. Maybe he had been drugged? Had this person drugged him? He should be angry at the thought, but couldn’t seem to muster any rage. He wasn’t paralysed though, he could still turn his head, he was standing ‘What is going on?’ struggling to understand.

The Host began “This, is your afterlife. One part at least, and yes that means you have died.” The two men switched their gazes to each other only to be met by the same blank expression Angus could feel on his own face.

“You will likely find it strange that you aren’t more concerned about this news. To ease your passing, we have suppressed your emotions for a moment. You are about to have the most important discussion of your journey and we feel it is best to do that with a clear head.”

As his last words hung in the air, a round beam of cloudy golden light appeared from the roof halfway between the two men, casting its cloudy rays downward onto the middle of the path on which they stood.

“In front of you is a Portal to Heaven, behind each of you is one to Hell.” the Host gestured behind them both, arms wide open. A red smoky glow could be seen rising up from the floor about five paces behind the other man. Angus didn’t need to look back to know a portal was there too.

“As billions have before, you two have been judged to have lived lives of equal moral value. Together, you will decide what happens next.”

The Host paused before continuing “We mean to be clear. One of you will be going to Heaven and one of you will be going to Hell.” they stared directly at the golden light then spoke again.

“The one that will go to Heaven will not be able to move towards the light. Only when the one who accepts that they will go to Hell steps back, will the other be able to proceed.” Both men’s eye’s widened ever so slightly with looks of concern.

“Let me repeat this point, one of you is going to accept that you need to go to Hell so the other can go to Heaven. How you gentlemen decide to work this out is up to you, but it will be done. “

The Host held their arms low, gesturing to each of the men “This choice is yours to make. We do not get a say in what happens next. We will answer any questions you have and provide anything you need. Writing materials, memory projection, anything you require is possible. Please take as long as you need, you will get neither tired, nor thirsty, nor hungry.”

With that, the speaker abruptly fell silent. Part of the floor rose up from two points then spread out horizontally to form a small plain bench onto which the Host seated them-self. The seat had been formed a little low causing the Hosts knees to protrude a little higher than would be normal; it made them seem smaller. They then lowered their head to watch the floor, clearly the Host had said their piece and meant for Angus and the stranger to begin their discussion.

As soon as the Being was settled, Angus could feel his sense of self returning. He still wasn’t concerned with the news of his death, but the absurdity of what they had just been told was giving birth to a rising anger. Was the Host crazy? He’d always been a forthright person and all the rage he could muster burst forth.

“What is this shit? What are you telling us?” His mind was racing, trying to catch up with what he had just heard. “Did you say one of us is going to Hell? Why do… What… what… what did you say about how you matched us? How we’d lived equally good lives?”

From his bench the Host responded plainly “We said equal lives.”

“So, then we both go to Heaven. That’s fair” Angus countered.

“Right… right? That’s fair” the other man spoke softly having found his voice.

“One of you goes to Heaven, the other to Hell. You must decide.” The Host looked straight ahead at the portal to Heaven as they explained.

Grasping his hands to his head the other man exclaimed. “I mean, and I do mean, with all due respect, why would you do this to me?”

Angus was desperately trying to understand the situation and brushed past the other man’s question. “Let me… so everyone dies and… we all come to this place?”

“Correct” their Host answered.

“And you match us with someone who lived a life of, what did you call it?”

“Equal moral value” the other man inserted quietly.

Angus gestured supportively to the stranger “And then you reward one and you punish the other.”

“Technically, one of you will decide.” the Host corrected.

Exasperated, Angus gasped “I mean, … What sort of God are you?”

“I am not a God.” The Host stated rising to their feet.

“All of the Gods that you have ever heard of, are part of a race of Eternal beings and some have spread their word across the Earth. From time to time the names and the stories are changed as culture after culture believes they have outgrown them, but we are eternal.” The being paused.

“We provided a selection of moral frameworks to guide you in your lives. You then picked and chose the parts that mattered to you and which ones you just… defiled.”  The silence lingered a moment.

“You had free will. We watched and we judged. After, when your time expires, we simply bring two of you here so you can talk.” With that the Host resumed their seat.

“Let me make sure I understand this bit, you match us up on how good we’ve been, based off of whatever rule book we happened to take for ourselves?” Angus asked.

“That’s correct.” The Host replied.

“You match up the sinners with the sinners?”

“Yes”

“and the Saints with the Saints, and one of each goes to Heaven and one goes to Hell?”

“Of course.” The Host then waited for the inevitable outburst.

“…. and what the fuck sort of system is that?” Angus threw his arms out to his side, palms open.

“I think what my friend is trying to say…” the stranger began.

The Host interjected “You cannot cause any offence here. We understand this is a difficult time. In our experience being the truest version of yourself can produce positive outcomes. Of course, it is open to you to play your hand however you see fit.

All pretence of a cool discussion had ended for Angus “Oi, back on me! What the fuck sort of system is that? You’re telling me I could have indulged every sick little fantasy, lived like a… a frickin barbarian and at this moment I’d still have a shot at Heaven because some other degenerate piece of shit would be standing right there?”

“That is interesting…. most focus on how good they think they have been, and how they have earned their spot in Heaven.” the Host seemed to reflect on this before returning to the answer “but yes, that is the essence of it.”

“But this isn’t some hypothetical is it, you do this shit all the time. Half the people in Heaven are the worst people who ever lived?”

The stranger seemingly hadn’t considered the bigger picture “Wait? Is he right? Is that what you do?”

“It is.”

Understanding led to outburst as the stranger screamed “Are you out of your mind!?” Angus watched the scene and smiled. Seeing someone else react to this lunacy was somehow reassuring. Angus smiled again as he noticed the man’s shock at losing his cool. ‘Who was this guy?’ Angus thought he didn’t seem as clever as himself, that was good.

“We feel that everyone gets one last chance at redemption. They get a chance to reflect on how they have lived, to be judged by one of their peers and sometimes to seek forgiveness. Consider, that while you were alive, most people thought the other 90% were going to Hell. This is better.”

Angus waited quietly and listened. He needed a moment to think and maybe learn something about this other man who continued with his questions “But then, everything I’ve done to this point means nothing? I’ve lived a good life. I had a wife and children, we followed all the rules… I, I worked hard, I went to church, I mean… not always” he nervously glanced at the Host “but Weddings, and Christmas….”

“Horse Shit.” Angus interjected.

“Excuse me?” the stranger blurted out.

“This fella is saying that we got matched up, and I know the stuff that I got up to and I got the feeling you’re telling us a story. What I’m saying is, this doesn’t seem like a guy you’re going to be able to put one past.” He finished while gesturing to the Host.

“Again, this is between you two. We will answer any questions but one of you must make the decision” the Host then let them continue.

“Okay then.” Angus again faced the stranger “So, you’re doing your best house sales routine where you tell me all about the open fireplace and the um …I don’t know, hot tub. But you’re being real careful not to tell me about the murder dungeon in the basement.”

The stranger blurted out “I don’t know who…”

“Dude! I am the one person you cannot afford to lie to. I have a pretty good bullshit detector on a bad day, but I know, and I mean I know, all the shitty things I’ve done and there’s no way you and I got matched up if you are some regular neighbourhood Joe. So think hard champ.”

“How dare you, you don’t know me… I mean…. for all you know this guy could be lying.” He flinched briefly after issuing the challenge against their Host, but the figure was unmoved.

Angus tilted his head slightly and considered the thought “That’s fair, but then again we are standing in a … nothing, with three glowing portals and this guy is telling us we can’t leave until we talk it out.” Did that mean anything he wondered? “I mean, I don’t know about you but I tried to run for that golden light, and I couldn’t move. So, I’m just assuming whichever God this one is….”

“A Shard” the Host corrected.

“Your name is Ashard?” the stranger asked.

“No. We are a Shard. Or, if you prefer, we are a piece of, or an aspect of all the Gods. but we are not a God.”

“Whatever…” Angus shook his head before moving on “He…” Considering what they were just told he began again. “’They’ don’t appear to have any reason to lie to us, says they are going to stay out of things, so if its… been lying, I haven’t caught him… them yet. On the other hand, if we assume it’s been straight, then one of us is going to Hell. That means the two of us have a great deal at stake and plenty of reason to lie.” Angus was struggling to keep it all straight; He needed something to help ground his thinking.

Turning to the Shard, Angus asked “Why am I here? I’ve been a professional criminal most of my life, I’ve hurt people, hell, I’ve killed people. If this guy is as good as he says then it seems we wouldn’t be meeting.”

“It is true that you have done wrong. It is also true that you took care of your grandmother while she was dying. You have protected your people and been consistent in your principals. Ultimately, it was your decision to murder Carlos Vicente against the wishes of your syndicate which was the biggest factor in your final ranking.” The host answered.

The stranger was incredulous, “Wait! He murdered someone and that puts him here with me?” he looked outraged. “This can’t be happening.” The man turned away but did not move from his spot.

“Relax!” Angus held his hand low in a stop motion “The guy was trafficking kids, and now he’s not. Hey what happened to him?” finding himself oddly curious.

“We are here for you two to talk.”

With a slightly disappointed look Angus resumed, “Fine, well there you go, he was honest about me. Now, I’m sure in your eyes, I must be a proper scumbag.” The stranger looked around and Angus pointed at him “Right? So, you must have done some bad stuff to someone if you are here right now. You don’t have to tell me what it was, but you need to know that I know.”

The stranger looked furious and desperately tried to change the subject. “and what the hell do we do now? This is so stupid! Neither of us is going to give in and we’ll be here forever.”

“Maybe we will… doesn’t seem so bad though does it?” as Angus spoke, he noticed he had shifted his weight to his other foot. He suspected out of habit as his legs weren’t tired. That made him realise he was still breathing in and out, though that probably wasn’t necessary either. He wasn’t quite ready to give that one up though. Seems they could be there as long as he needed. He had to consider the positives, “Hey, no burning lakes of fire at least.” Turning his head to the side he could just make out the red glow from the Portal behind him. “Maybe.” he whispered, not quite ready to make eye contact with Hell.

Rather than dwell, Angus then asked “So your mind is already made up? I lived a life by a code that’s so foreign to you that I’m an automatic veto for Heaven?”

“In exchange for me? You better believe it. Were you even religious? It doesn’t sound like it, you shouldn’t even…”

Angus cut off that line of thought before the stranger could dig his heels in, instead asking the Host “Wait, so what do you do about Atheists? No, wait. What about kids?

The Shard turned to Angus, “We send the children back and let them grow up again. The unfortunate one’s have to try a few times, but we give them a chance to show who they are before they come here.

“And the Atheists? You let them in?” gaped the rival.

“Of course.” The Host responded “They get judged on how they lived up to their moral code, the same as everyone else.”

The stranger was clearly frustrated “Oh, that’s just great, so we’ve just been lied to our entire lives, do you trust this… guy?” he asked Angus.

Angus considered that “I don’t know. I mean, we haven’t been lied to. There are Gods, lots of them, we were told that. And… they all spoke to different people. We were told that they watched you and judged you. Why is it so important to you that someone had to believe in an all-mighty to get the same treatment? Seems the universe just wants you to not be a dick and …”

“No. they don’t! They let in the scum of the earth, but just half of them, it’s ridiculous, this is ridiculous…” His voice cracked and then trailed off out of sheer frustration

“Yeah, that… that is a good point. Mmm-yeah, that’s messed up.” Angus stopped ‘Why is that?’

While he considered, the stranger continued “Nothing matters now. it’s all going to come down to who the most stubborn is and I will not give up my place in Heaven. I’m a good man, a good man, why would they match you with me?” Trailing off, he seemed lost in his own thoughts, then he whispered and shook his head slowly “We were just kids… He was a weirdo, they all are, it’s not my fault that he…”

Angus stirred out of his reverie “Well lookie here! Seems like we will get down to it if we stick at this long enough.”

“Screw you! You don’t know anything. Look, my wife is a good woman and my kids! They will be going to Heaven. You would be separating us for eternity…. Were you married?” the man demanded.

“Briefly. You know that’s probably the best point you made so far. Of course, you’re relying on my decency, but, it’s a start. Gives me something to think on.”

“I will never give up on us being together again… certainly not for the likes of you!” the stranger glared.

Angus laughed “And there you go wrecking it, the only way it happens is if ‘I’ allow it to be, and I am not inclined to when I see that look of utter hatred in your eyes. You need to realise, I did not make this happen. Your God made this happen. Well, them and your youthful hijinks. But! Lucky for you, that got you a shot against an actual proper scumbag. I’m just the dumb ass that got himself … dead … somehow at the right time and gets to decide what happens to you next.” Angus stopped and thought on that, the man seemed to realise his mistake and was silently composing himself.

After a moment, Angus resumed “Still, you were honest, so I shouldn’t be too critical…. You said a wife, some kids?”

Angus could see the pride as the stranger answered. “Two girls.”

“Two girls. That’s great. They still kids?” his question was gentle.

The man looked wistful “Yeah. Beautiful, wonderful kids. The oldest is just into high school, the other… my baby, is about to turn 8.” The stranger ran a hand through his thinning hair, then in a whisper “They must be so sad and afraid.” Then he went quiet. Angus watched the man; he didn’t break down. The Host’s dampening effect was still keeping them on task, but he could see a glimpse of what his reaction would have been. Eventually they would both have some tough emotions to work through. Angus thought about his friends, his family, how they would all pass through here at some point. Life still felt very fragile.

Angus shuffled his feet as he did when he was uncomfortable, nonetheless, he continued his questions “and you want to be back with them? to see them again. I get that, we all want to go to heaven, but here’s the thing.” He stopped to consider how much of his thinking to share with the man. To give too much away, he would lose some power, but he had to convince the man to do things his way “Those girls they are going to grow up and start their own families. Hopefully you won’t see them for a long time. They’ll probably have kids of their own, hell, maybe grandkids.”

The man looked proud again “They will and I want to meet them all, to know them all”

“I get that, but the only way to be sure…” Angus made himself stop. ‘What do I want here?’ he forced himself to think. Before cornering himself, he tried to change tack “The thing is, for this perfect family of yours, which is getting bigger by the year. For you to get back together, you all have to get into heaven and that means…”

Cutting Angus off, the man was stubborn and arrogant now “That you need to let me go, I get it. They are good people; We are good people! Heaven is where we should be. Heaven is where they will be!” his voice was rising with each stunted sentence.

Angus nodded to settle the situation “I understand.” ‘Do I though?’ he wondered. Inhaling deeply, he sighed “Heaven is the dream for us all.”

Angus looked down at his feet then turned away to consider what he had learnt. Everything he had understood about the Universe had been upended and was just… incomprehensible, at least at first glance, but also… deliberate? His internal monologue screamed ’Come on! What does it all mean, work it out, before he does?’ As he calculated his options, his gaze rose, staring hard at the glowing red light. It was impossible to see where that portal led any more than the one to Heaven. His eyes were locked on as he made his decision.

Turning back to face his rival Angus said “Okay, so if I understand this correctly. I am up against a virtuous man, who is sure he didn’t do anything wrong. He tells me with certainty that he has the iron will to outlast me for a place in Heaven. Well, with the life I’ve lived… it seems rather than just waste all of our time I should accept the… inevitability of the situation.”

Angus looked the man in the eyes and said “You can have your spot in Heaven.”

“What? Why would you?” the rival gasped. The puzzled look on his face was priceless, but it quickly turned to avarice as he pounced on the opportunity. He faced the Host “You heard him. I go to Heaven.”

This Shard replied as they had billions of times before “As we have said, it is not up to us. Angus, if you have decided, please step back and allow the Ascension.”

Angus paused to weigh his options one last time. His rival’s face contorted at the slightest delay. ‘The entitlement!’ Angus thought. It might feel good to mess with this guy, to make him sweat. It wasn’t important though; He had made his choice and needed to see it through.

With deliberate action, he began to step backwards, his right leg moved back, then his left in a half step that kept bringing his two feet back together.

The rival smiled as he realised, he could move toward the light. Each foot hung in the air, ready to move the instant Angus stepped back. Together they walked towards their respective fates.

As the stranger reached the Portal to Heaven he smiled broadly, then he reached forward and without a word to either the Host or Angus, he vanished into the light.

“He won’t be happy once he speaks with the others.” the Host remarked, then addressed Angus “That was extremely quick. This usually takes much longer. People get determined when their eternity is on the line.”

The Host tilted his head slightly and waited for Angus to speak, should he wish to do so.

Angus considered his reasoning again “There… there is kind of a theme of character going on here. One of us has to go to Hell, but everybody gets a chance to decide where they go. Then you have nobody getting left out and you send the kids back around till they are old enough to show their own character.”

Turning his mind to his own demise. “I’m thinking I got killed because I decided to put Carlos down and help those kids. The boss wouldn’t have been happy.  Because of that you all bumped me up the rankings. That maybe tells me you understand right and wrong and place some value in it. That’s not really what’s happening here though…” He paused.

“When I put all that together, well, they don’t sound like bad things, so I’m taking a chance that ‘this’ afterlife isn’t what we’ve been taught… Besides I was thinking” he said with a smirk “Would I rather end up with all the stubborn selfish ass holes or the doormats. I think I could do well amongst the doormats”

The Shard didn’t display any emotion as they began to explain. “Heaven and Hell are just the labels that we use. A carrot and a stick to sort people into groups for the next part of their stories. In reality, they are very similar to the Earth that you’ve just left behind. The people going to Hell are as you say, more often the caring, the self-loathing, the self-sacrificing of the two. Sometimes though, the conniving types figure it out.”

The Host peered at Angus as if looking deep into his future. “We are not sure where you will fall in the long run, but we shall see.”  Their eyes refocused as they returned to their explanation, “Of course they are also the kindest and the evilest, but you have already been living alongside them your whole life. This place just separates out the selfish and the most dogmatic from the rest. Then we watch what happens.”

Angus tried to consider that within the bigger religious picture “So all the ‘why do bad things happen to good people’ stuff, you guys just don’t give a damn?”

“What would be the point of the grand experiment if we altered the outcome? It would ruin what little mystery we have.”

As the Shard stood again, the bench was reabsorbed into the floor.

 “Plus, we would never all agree on what to do. So, we let things play out as they will. Your next phase is even better, since you all know what happened. The one’s that go to ‘Heaven’ try to accept why they were sorted. There is resentment that they believe they were ‘lied to’ as well as the bitterness that they are not as good as they believed they were. They know they all willingly condemned an equal soul to ‘Hell’.

Then, with an air of satisfaction, “It has been enthralling so far. Little by little each of your true selves are revealed.”

“We’ll remember?” Angus asked.

“Of course. For your first journey you are ignorant. You are born with some characteristics, are given some rules. We hint that there is a game, but leave it up to you as to how to play it.  For future phases, we like to see how you behave when you think you know what the plan is.”

Angus laughed scoffingly “I’m lost for words. All of this power… How do I put this? Haven’t you got anything better to do?”

A faint look of sadness crept over the Host “You have to remember… Eternity…  is a God damned long time…” the words hung in the air, then with absolute surety “This arrangement keeps the peace across the Universe.”

“So, we only exist for your amusement?  Something for the Gods to pass their time with, like pets?” Angus said with a furrowed brow.

Maybe you prefer the alternative? Is this not better than not existing to begin with? Or you would rather be dead now with only the black void to embrace you?”

“Hey, no argument here.” Angus raised his hands in front of himself accepting the point.

Exhaling loudly, he pondered the idea “Infinite time and power? I suppose I can see how that could be a burden.” Then turning his thoughts back to his own future “On the other hand, I’m going to have to listen to a lot of complaining from pissed off people in phase two.”

“Certainly, most of your kind do not get it till they have been around a few times, then they start to see things from our perspective. Now, it is time for you to move on. You decided quickly but it is a vast Universe and we have work to do.”

Turning, Angus faced the red glow emanating from the Hell portal. Given what he now knew, he still had to consider that ‘this’ could still all be the Devils work, designed to play with him before what comes next. ‘Whatever’, he thought. That there was something more should be enough for anyone. It was time to find out what it was.

As he paused at the threshold, he turned to nod to the Host but was alone again in the empty room.

“Nothing ventured…” Then he stepped into Hell.